Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
