Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize