im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
