I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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