I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this just has baby written all over it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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