so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
