Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
