if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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