Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
