The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
