...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
