fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
