I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
