you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
