Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
