so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
