please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
