Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
