I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
