Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this boner is exhausting
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
