yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
