don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Couch. On fire.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
