She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
