I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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