It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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