She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
