He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
