if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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