worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fuck appropriateness.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
