Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
