note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
