I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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