lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
