if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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