i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
