You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
