Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
