Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize