mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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