I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
