I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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