Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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