I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
