thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
