my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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