saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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