I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize