I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
