eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
