Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
