Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
