Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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