And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my shit smells like andre
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
