You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
