nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can't just leave with hair like that
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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