dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
