worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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