aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
