hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
