shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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