I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize