my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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