i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
