i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
