maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
