it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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