I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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