nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How external is "for external use only"?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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