butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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