I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
