my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
