I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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