I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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