There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
two words...techno handjob
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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