Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
