he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
