Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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