Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
