dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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