He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
