just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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