Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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