i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
