I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
